Ken Gorman (Lead): Male, 40-50
Ken is Chris’ husband. He is a well-to-do, and well- spoken lawyer who takes charge of a very
dicey situation. He is in his mid to late 40s and is Charley’s attorney and friend. Ken is pompous,
serious, a know-it-all…when he can hear. About midway through the first act, Ken has a slight
accident with a shotgun. It goes off next to his head and leaves him virtually deaf for a good part
of the middle section of the show. Ken has to be shouted at, shouts in return and constantly can’t
hear what is being said to him. Ken is the main driver of the comedy, actor must be able to
handle fast paced dialogue.

Chris Gorman (Lead): Female, 35-45
Chris is married to Ken and is also a lawyer. She is an elegant, attractive woman in her mid to
late 30s. She is nervous, neurotic, and easily flustered. She recently quit smoking but quickly
falls off the wagon. She will be smoking prop cigarettes through most of the second act. Chris
also has a few too many vodka martinis and plays slightly drunk starting about midway through
the show. Chris does some physical comedy and will have to trip over a phone cord and fall on
her face.

Claire Ganz (Lead): Female, 35-45
Lenny’s Wife. Claire is in her late 30s to early 40s. She is very concerned with appearances (hers
and others) as well as being a smart- mouth who is seemingly amused by everything that is going
on. (Not surprising considering how her husband is). She starts the play with a swollen lip, and is
a gossip monger. Claire is a typical New York society wife who is sharp as a tack, with a witty
sense of humor.

Leonard “Lenny” Ganz (Lead): Male, 35-45
Lenny is Claire’s husband and is also in his late 30s to early 40s. He is Charley’s accountant.
Lenny and Claire have just wrecked his brand new BMW in a car accident on the way to the
party and Lenny’s neck keeps locking up on him. Lenny is by far the most foulmouthed,
irascible, sarcastic, outspoken member of the cast. He is also very likable and hilarious. He is
very intolerant of the gossipy lifestyle that he is often involved in. Lenny has a bizarre three-page
monologue at the end of the show where he is posing as “Charley” and tells his version of just
what’s been going on around them. Lenny is also one of the main drivers of the comedy.

Ernie Cusack (Lead): Male, 45-55
Ernie is Cookie’s husband and a psychiatrist. He is also Charley’s analyst. He is in his late
40s/early 50s. He is smug and somewhat quiet and a calming presence in the midst of the storm
of confusion, although he does lose it a couple of times. He tries to be as helpful as possible by
assisting Cookie prepare the meal for the evening and is mistaken for the butler at one point.
Ernie smokes a pipe.

Cookie Cusack (Lead): Female, 40-50
Ernie’s wife. Cookie is a flamboyant host of her own cooking show. She is in her mid to late 40s,
garish, a bit ditzy and a dramatic personality and will be expected to deliver quite a bit of
physical comedy. Cookie has a bad back…so bad that she carries a special pillow with her
everywhere, as she suffers from extreme back spasms. Her back is regularly going out with much
screaming and gyration. A couple of times Cookie is actually forced to crawl on and off the stage
due to her back ailments. Actress must have great physical comedy skills.

Glenn Cooper (Lead): Male, 30-40
Married to Cassie. Glenn is a candidate preparing to run for the New York State Senate. He is in
his early to late 30s/early 40s and obviously quite ambitious and handsome. The TV cameras
love him. He is constantly worried about his polished image and how his involvement in the
possible crimes being committed all around him might impact his candidacy. Struggles with
placating his wife, who is convinced he is having an affair (which he may or may not be)

Cassie Cooper (Lead): Female, 25-35
Cassie is Glenn’s trophy wife. She is younger, probably mid- 20’s to mid-30’s, very beautiful,
jealous, insecure and totally nuts. She and Glenn hate each other. She doesn’t want to be there,
she is constantly fighting with Glenn and she is constantly threatening divorce, as she obsesses
over her husband’s relationships with other women. Cassie is a believer in the power of crystals
and must rub her quartz crystal to calm herself down. She also hides in the bathroom a lot. At
one point, to punish Glenn, Cassie tousles her hair and flirts outrageously with some of the other
male guests. She also attacks Glenn with a cell phone (Brick like 1989 cell phone) off stage in a
fit of rage.

Officer Welch (Supporting): All Genders, 30-50
A no nonsense, vigorous, straight talking, Veteran city police officer having a rough night; does
not tolerate lying; sees through the “classy” facade that the others put up. Has a couple of smaller
monologues. (Only appears in Act II.)

Officer Pudney (Supporting): All Genders, 25-35
Officer Welch’s partner; Rookie Cop, a strong but silent type. Minimal lines. (Only appears in
Act 2)

Questions? Contact Robin Brenneman at robin@hilliardartscouncil.org